Maneuvers in the Dark
by Lori
Rated R -- R/f T/m
Dedicated to the couple in the apartment I used to live under. I think their names were Mr. and Mrs. Energizer, and I bet they owned a lot of stock in K-Y and Trojan.... And I really wished they would move their bed away from the wall.
This bit is concurrent/slightly after Bitter Greens, while our vacationing lovers, Will and Shehady, are visiting Deanna and her family.
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"Will, honey, your foot. . . . Do you file your toenails to points?"
"Sorry."
"Can you believe this? I've gotten so used to a twenty-four hour clock, and these nights and days here are so *long* -- this is shortening our vacation up terribly."
"But you have to admit, the purple moon is pretty."
"And the moonlight in those flowers -- what'd Deanna call 'em, sheffin? A teardrop tree. Beautiful."
"I don't think we're the only ones up. Listen. . . ."
"So what, Will? It's their house. And it kinda turns me on."
"Don't they ever quit?"
"That doesn't sound like Deanna. He's switched rooms."
"God. You don't find that the least bit disturbing?"
"Will, really. It's just sex, and unlike ours, it's within the bonds of matrimony, even."
"Ryxi don't really have bonds of matrimony -- you know that, don't you?"
"Sure they do. They just keep it to themselves. You know, if you're going to take up two thirds of the bed, you could at least keep me warm. . . . That's more like it. Oh, there she goes, up the scale. Wonder what he does to get her to do that?"
"I really don't want to know. I'm absolutely certain I don't want to know. And if you ask, and get an answer, you'd better not tell me."
"Why not? Is it maybe because he's screwing the daylights out of one of your old lovers on a regular basis?"
"Shut up and go back to sleep, Shehady."
"I can't -- my body's telling me it's time to hit the shower. Maybe, oh, I don't know, you could tire me out a little more, and I'd be able to sleep again. . . ."
"Even I have my limits, Shady. I'm an old man. Three times in one night -- I'll be worthless tomorrow night."
"And the artifact loping across the house right now isn't an old man?"
"Oh don't tell me he's going to -- doesn't he ever *sleep?*"
"Sure he does. It was quiet enough for the last four hours. Deanna explained that, remember?"
"Yeah, all that jazz about their being light sleepers."
"Didn't you ever lay awake at night listening to your parents get wild?"
"My mom died when I was eight. And no, I didn't. My parents wouldn't have made that much noise. I suppose your parents did it in the front yard?"
"Well, there was that time. . . but our house is a little isolated. I never would have guessed you were so repressed. You certainly like sex well enough. Almost as much as my dad did. . . ."
"Can't we talk about us, or at least something other than other people's sex lives? You're hurting my feelings."
"Riiiiight. So hurt you got a big ol' hard one, right here -- "
"That's your fault entirely."
"Good."
"Like that, do you?"
"Ooooooooooooohhhhh, yes. Aaaaahhhh -- Will!"
"Sorry. Damn them anyway! You know how distracting it is to be in the middle of something and hear an old girlfriend squealing?"
"Hush, they'll hear you!"
"Like they care! Nice house, but it definitely needs soundproofing!"
"Ssshhh, they're coming down the hall. Giggling. He must be chasing her."
"I don't believe this. . . . We're getting a room somewhere tomorrow night. I can't deal with this."
"Mmmmm. . . you know, that older brother of his has another man in his family. Wonder what it would take to -- "
"Finish that sentence, and you can have them. I'll be on the next shuttle out of the system."
"You're too easy to tease, Will. Way too easy."
"I should know better by now. Any member of a race that holds their weddings in the nude -- "
"Isn't that how you met Deanna? At a Betazoid wedding?"
"Do you have to keep reminding me of Deanna? It's bad enough she's romping around in the garden outside being chased by a horny alien while we're in here listening, now you're reminding me -- "
"Hey, all right, I'll just try to get this back to where it was before. I guess I could turn the lights on and do a strip tease, but I'd have to find some clothes first. Aaah, there, what an efficient imagination you have. Okay, now pretend I'm wearing that little outfit you got me on Risa -- should have brought it with me. Heh. There we go. C'mere, big boy. . . . Will you stop that?"
"I can't help it! It's like trying to have a romantic interlude in the dorms at the Academy with a graduation party going on outside the room!"
"And you would know what that's like, wouldn't you?"
"You want me to have sex with you, but you're reminding me of past romantic interludes every ten seconds. Human women are confusing, Betazoid women are beyond confusing -- or is it that men on Betazed find it necessary to remember every woman they've ever had to fully enjoy the experience?"
"If you're going to be peevish about it, I'll just take care of myself."
"Can I turn on the light and watch?"
"Why, Will, I had no idea you liked to do that. You surprise me."
"Just because I find the idea of listening to -- "
"Shut up, before we go through this whole thing again."
"Damn, I wish they'd quit -- "
"Will. Shut up. Tune them out."
"That's easy for you to say -- "
"Look, tell you what, let's just drown 'em out."
"You? The amazing jaw-clenching woman?"
"We're not on your ship any more. They obviously don't care how much noise we overhear, and they certainly won't be hearing much of us with that racket -- sounds like they're trying to hump down the back wall of the house. So, yeah, me -- and you, unless you're going to keep talking all night."
"Give me something to distract -- "
"As you wish."
~~~
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"I don't believe this. The roof?"
"Will -- just shut up and fuck me."
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